New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
