It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
