so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
