Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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