At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
