i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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