My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
