Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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