Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
