I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize