Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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