Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
