I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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