if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
