Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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