why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
