You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
