Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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