I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize