And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
