You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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