Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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