You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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