Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
