Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize