did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize