Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
