Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
