He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
