apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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