I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
