you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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