So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
