Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize