so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
