oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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