I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize