dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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