apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
