Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
