He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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