I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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