I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
