mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
