I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
