so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Never joke about your clitoris.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
