well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
