I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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