i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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