dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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