i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
