he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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