i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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