Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
