I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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