I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
