I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
