We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
