Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
