You just made me feel so damn special
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
