He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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