just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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