I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
