You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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