Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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